


sacrifice (i would have loved you all my life)

by MoonlightBreeze



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (in third chapter), (only at the end), Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Feels, Alec Lightwood Has Self-Worth Issues, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autistic Alec Lightwood, Broken Parabatai Bond, Episode: s03e18 The Beast Within, Gen, Heavy Angst, I BLAME HIKA, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Memory Loss, Prompt Fic, Quote: we always seem to find our way back to each other, and leave behind everyone and everything he's ever known or loved, basically Alec makes a different deal with Asmodeus, in this one he has to lose his runes and all his memories of Magnus, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:49:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28850097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightBreeze/pseuds/MoonlightBreeze
Summary: Instead of breaking up with Magnus in 3x18, Alec makes a different deal with Asmodeus - a deal that garners life-changing results.Warnings for memory loss and implied/referenced alcohol abuse. Please keep yourselves safe <3 Eventual happy ending!!
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood & himself, Magnus Bane & Isabelle Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 77
Kudos: 224
Collections: Favorite Malec Stories





	1. The Ending

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ColorfulWarlock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorfulWarlock/gifts).



> Hey, guys! This fic is something I've been working on for quite a while now, and I just finished the other night. This fic is written based off of a prompt from my friend [Hika](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorfulWarlock), who threw out an idea about Alec losing his runes the way that Clary did in the show as payment for Asmodeus giving Magnus his magic back. I took that idea and ran with it with her permission, and now here we are! 
> 
> This is going to be split into four chapters, I believe, and since I already have it all written, updates should be somewhat quick. I won't promise anything, but this shouldn't be a WIP for very long. I really hope you like this!! Especially you, Hika <3 A big thanks for all of the support you've given me, and the amazing things you've done for me. You're a great friend, and I was so honored to write this for you. I really hope you like it!! 
> 
> Please be aware, this fic does contain memory loss and there is no return of those memories at the end, though it does have a happy ending. There's also a warning for implied/referenced alcohol abuse in the second chapter. Please keep yourselves safe, lovelies! <3
> 
> With that being said, let's get on to the story! Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) And, as always, I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em
> 
>  **EDIT:** The wonderful [Hika](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColorfulWarlock/pseuds/ColorfulWarlock) has made a moodboard for this fic! It is AMAZING and PERFECT and has been making me smile for two days now, so please go give her all of the love because this is so wonderful and she deserves it all. 

Alec took a deep breath and willed his hands to stop shaking. He didn’t have much time. 

The half-written letter on his desk glared at him, and Alec sighed. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t find the words. How was he supposed to tell his family that he would never see them again? It was feeling more and more like an impossibility with each minute that ticked by. 

“Right,” Alec muttered to himself. “I can do this.” He picked up the pen once more. 

_Jace,_

_By the time you find this, I’ll be gone. You’re going to lose your parabatai rune. It’s going to feel like I’m dying, but I’m not. I can’t explain everything, but I’m doing this for Magnus. You didn’t see him at the loft, after I tried to propose. He was devastated. Heartbroken. He can’t go on like this, without his magic. He needs it back. This is the only way. I’m sorry. I love you and I wish I didn’t have to do this._

_Please don’t look for me. I know I’m making the right choice. It’s hard, but it’s for the best. Watch out for the others. Don’t do what you always do and get yourself killed. Clary and the others are there, if you’d just let them be. Please let them, Jace, for me._

_I’ll miss you. You’ll be okay, Jace. Everyone will be._

_Remember that our rune is just a symbol of what we have. When it breaks,_ we _won’t break. We’ll always be parabatai, even without the rune._

_Alec_

Alec exhaled shakily and folded the letter into an envelope, scrawling Jace’s name on top of it. There. That would have to do. There was so much more that he wanted to say to his parabatai, but he didn’t have the time. He still had to write letters for Izzy, his mom, and Magnus. 

Alec took a deep breath and reached for another sheet of paper. He didn’t regret his choice, but he was starting to realise just how much he had to give up. _Magnus_ , he reminded himself. _This is for Magnus._

With that, Alec steeled himself and started to write once more. 

_Izzy,_

_By the time you find this, I’ll be gone. I’m not dead. I’m not being coerced into writing this. This is my choice. Please don’t look for me. Tell Jace not to look for me, too. Things are going to be bad for a while, but this is the way it has to be. I’m sorry._

_I can’t explain everything right now; I’m running out of time. But just know that I’m doing this for Magnus, because I love him and because he deserves so much more than I could ever give him. Please take care of him for me, Iz. I know this won’t be easy, but it’s for the best._

_I’ll miss you, Izzy. It’ll be alright, I promise. You’ll be okay without me. I love you, little sis._

_Alec_

It took all of his willpower to keep from breaking down. This was Izzy, this was his _little sister_ , this was the person that he had watched over and taken care of since he was five. Leaving her felt a little like leaving a piece of himself behind, and Alec had to wonder how many pieces he would have left at the end of all this. 

His shoulder burned for a split second, and Alec looked back just in time to see another rune disappear from his skin. He sucked in a deep breath, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He had to keep going. The curse was working faster than he was. 

Alec wrote Izzy’s name on her envelope and set it to the side with Jace’s, reaching for another sheet of paper. He had to hurry. 

_Mom,_

_By the time you find this, I’ll be gone. I can’t explain everything, but please know that I am alive and safe. I can’t promise you’ll see me again, but I can promise that this is for the best and this is my decision and mine alone._

_I know you won’t understand, even if you figure out the truth, but all I can say is that I love Magnus and there is nothing that I wouldn’t do for him. One day - maybe with Luke (and yes, I know) - I hope that you’ll understand._

_I love you, Mom. I wish we had more time together, to fix things. As it is, I’m counting on you to do right by Jace and Izzy. I know you haven’t always seen eye to eye with them, but they’ll need you. Take care of them for me._

_I’m sorry._

_Alec_

Alec blew out a harsh breath and folded his mom’s letter, giving it the same treatment that he’d given the others. The letters were forming a pile now, a little stack of white that made dread settle in Alec’s stomach. They were the last of him that his family would have, and that thought made him want to collapse to the floor and weep, mourn everything that he was going to lose and everything that he would miss and all of the people that he was letting down. But he knew he couldn’t. His runes were steadily disappearing and he still had work to do.

Feeling sick, Alec grabbed one final sheet of paper and prepared himself for the last letter he had to write. Magnus’s letter. 

_Dear Magnus,_

_By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. Please don’t come looking for me. You can’t interfere. Please leave it alone. I promise that I will be okay._

_I can’t possibly begin to explain this to you, but I know that I have a responsibility to try. Magnus, when I saw you break down like that in the loft, it made me realise something. It made me realise how badly you were hurting and how much you were suffering without your magic. I’m so sorry that I didn’t realise before. I was so caught up in saving Jace and stopping Lilith that I never stopped to think about how much you might be hurting. I’m sorry._

_I had to do something after that, and this is me doing something. I won’t explain it all to you, because I know you’ll try to come after me and undo what I did, and I can’t let you do that. I won’t let you go back to a life without your magic. It was killing you._

_Magnus, you deserve so much - you deserve someone that will always make you a priority and never put you in second place. You deserve the world. You don’t deserve me. I will never be good enough for you, Magnus._

_I know it’ll be hard, but please try to move on. Find love again. Get married. Have kids. Love your life like you used to before everything got so complicated. You deserve that. You deserve everything._

_I love you more than words can say, and I will miss you so much. I’m sorry, Magnus. Please, please choose again. Choose somebody better. I’m not your choice. I’m sorry._

_I love you._

_Alec_

Alec folded the letter with shaking fingers, ignoring the teardrops that splashed onto the paper. He stuffed it into an envelope and just managed to scrawl Magnus’s name on top of it and toss it onto the pile with the rest of them before he broke down in tears. 

Memories rushed into Alec’s mind, unbidden - his first kiss with Magnus, at his wedding, and the way Magnus had kissed him back like he was air and Magnus couldn’t fucking breathe. His first mission with Jace, and the way that they moved together so fluently that they just _knew_ , right from the very beginning, that they were destined to be parabatai. When Izzy was born, and Alec had slept beside her crib for three nights afterwards, whispering promises into the air about always protecting her and keeping her safe. 

Alec choked on a sob and desperately tried to pull himself together. He felt the burn of his deflect rune disappearing, and that made him dig his fingernails into his palms, hard. The extra bite of pain grounded him, centered him in a way that nothing else could at the moment. That was the rune that Magnus had always loved, always said was “placed _perfectly_ , Alexander” and always damn near worshiped in bed. Losing it was like losing a tie to Magnus, and Alec had to grip the edge of his desk so tightly that he feared his fingers might break in order to keep himself under control. 

_Right_. He had to snap out of it. There was still more to do. 

Alec glamoured himself invisible and slipped out of his office, letters in hand. He stopped by the training room to grab his bow and quiver before he made his way to Jace, Izzy, and Maryse’s rooms to slip their letters under their doors. By the time they woke up in the morning, Alec knew, he would have no idea who they were. That thought alone made him want to break down again, but he shoved his emotions aside with practiced ease and continued on. 

The cool night air was a welcome change from the Institute’s stifling atmosphere, and Alec took a deep breath, trying to appreciate the sights and sounds of New York before his last rune disappeared. 

By the time he made it to Magnus’s, Alec only had four runes left - his glamour, his iratze, advanced hearing, and his parabatai rune. He shivered, trying not to think about it. His parabatai rune, he knew, would be the last to go, and all Alec could do was hope that the other runes would take a few hours to disappear so that the breaking of his bond with Jace wouldn’t wake the other boy up. He at least wanted Jace to be awake, maybe have Clary with him, _something_. The hardest part of all of this was leaving the people he cared about behind. 

“See that Mr. Bane gets this tomorrow morning,” Alec instructed the boy who worked at the front desk of Magnus’s apartment building, slipping him a 20 for good measure. With that, he walked out of Magnus’s building for possibly the last time, and headed for the park. 

Alec wasn’t sure what made him choose the park, of all places, to lose the last of his runes, but the feeling of the gardens settled something in him when he sat down on the park bench. This would be the last time he sat in this park as a Shadowhunter, the last time he would look down and see the physical representation of his bond with Jace marking his skin. Finally, for the first time all night, Alec put his head in his hands and allowed himself to cry. 


	2. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus, Isabelle, and Jace are left behind to pick up the pieces of themselves after reading Alec's letters.
> 
> Warning for implied alcohol abuse in this chapter! Please keep your lovely selves safe. <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! This chapter is absolutely chock full of angst, so I hope you're ready. Don't worry, the next chapter will be much nicer to your hearts <3 
> 
> To Hika: You continue to be an amazing friend, and the moodboard you made me for this fic is wonderful!! I seriously can't even begin to explain how thankful I am to be your friend and to write this for you. <3 
> 
> There is a trigger warning for implied alcohol abuse in this chapter. Please keep yourselves safe, lovelies <3
> 
> With that being said, I really hope you like this!! Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) And, as always, I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

It was the excruciating, damn near unbearable pain that woke Jace up. 

Izzy and Maryse were in his room before he even knew what was happening, because Jace was _screaming_ and everything hurt and nothing was okay and - Alec. _ALEC! Where was Alec?_

“We don’t know,” Izzy cried, and her makeup was smeared, her face streaked with tears. Maryse’s hair was undone, falling out of its bun, and she was crying, too. Jace could barely breathe through the pain emanating from his side, but he was coherent enough to notice that Alec wasn’t there. 

“Alec!” he screamed again, and his fingers found his parabatai rune, squeezing tightly. The rune was hot underneath his fingertips, almost scalding, and Jace sobbed. Where was Alec?! **ALEC!**

“He’s not here, Jace,” Maryse said, her fingers combing the sweaty hair away from his forehead. “He’s gone.”

A pulse like, like _something_ , shot through the parabatai bond and Jace’s entire body convulsed, shaking apart like he was having a seizure. He screamed so loudly that his throat was raw, and he gasped for breath, tears that he couldn’t even hope to control sliding down his cheeks without his permission. He was sobbing, loud and ugly, and all he could feel was _pain_ , painpainpainpainpain, so much PAIN, and Alec wasn’t there, and everything was wrong and Jace could almost _feel_ something ending, something changing, something disappearing for good. 

By the time the wave of pain passed and Jace could breathe again, Maryse had run out of the room to get someone from the infirmary, and Izzy was holding onto his arms as tightly as she could, her eyes filled with tears. 

“Jace?” she asked hesitantly, and Jace would swear he’d never heard her sound more vulnerable than right then. 

“He’s gone,” Jace said numbly. His fingers groped at his skin, hoping, praying that maybe he was wrong, but one look downwards confirmed his fears. His parabatai rune was gone. Alec was gone. 

~ ~ ~

Isabelle wasn’t sure how long it took them to get around to telling Magnus, but by the time she and Jace let themselves into Magnus’s apartment, Magnus was already halfway through his eighth bottle of whiskey and his loft was destroyed by his own magic. 

“Magnus,” Izzy whispered in horror. “What happened?”

Magnus laughed sourly and gestured to the kitchen countertop, where a white envelope laid, a letter next to it. Izzy recognised Alec’s handwriting and swallowed hard. He’d sent Magnus a letter, too. 

“Magnus, _stop_ ,” she tried, stepping over the debris to reach Magnus. Jace followed reluctantly, taking in the damage with wide eyes like he was afraid they would be next. 

“Why should I?!” Magnus shouted, chucking his whiskey bottle at the wall. It shattered upon impact and alcohol seeped into the expensive carpet. “No Alec here to stop me, is there? No Alec here _ever again_ , Isabelle!” 

“The, the letter said he was okay,” Izzy responded, stopping in her tracks at the sight of Magnus’s tirade. “That he wasn’t dead.”

“You’d be surprised how many dead people say they’re okay right before they die,” Magnus snapped back, summoning another bottle of whiskey from somewhere and taking a long drink. He gestured to Jace. “That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? Blondie’s parabatai rune disappeared?”

Jace tried to shove down his hypocritical anger at Magnus for lashing out and nodded tightly. “Yeah.”

“I figured as much,” Magnus mumbled. His mascara was smeared, Izzy noticed, and he looked like he hadn’t slept at all since he’d received his letter. She felt tears begin to fill her own eyes, and she blinked them away angrily. This wasn’t about her. Alec had asked her to take care of Magnus and that’s what she intended on doing. 

“Magnus, please,” Izzy said, stepping closer until she was directly in front of him. “Alec wouldn’t want this for you.”

“How do you have a clue what he wants? He’s not here,” Magnus replied bitterly. Before he could tip the whiskey bottle to his lips and take another drink, Isabelle reached out and grabbed the bottle from him, handing it to Jace, who shoved it underneath Magnus’s sink next to the cleaning supplies. 

“I know my brother,” Izzy said, leveling Magnus with a fierce glare. “And I know that he would hate to see you destroying yourself like this.”

Magnus felt the fight drain out of him, and he slumped into the sofa tiredly. “Sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

“It’s okay,” Izzy reassured him. “We’ve done plenty of yelling ourselves the past few days.” She picked her way through what remained of Magnus’s loft and made to sit down next to him. 

“What did _your_ letters say?” Magnus asked her bitterly, twisting a thread on his pants between his fingers, tension leaking out of his every movement. 

“That he wasn’t dead, this was his choice, he loves us, and he’s sorry,” Izzy replied, her throat closing up on the last syllable. 

“Lucky,” Magnus muttered. 

“Lucky?” Jace’s voice was sharp. “How the fuck are any of us lucky, Magnus?”

“Your letters sound like nursery rhymes compared to mine,” Magnus snapped. He raised his hand and his letter flew to him in a flurry of dark red magic. He opened it, holding it out for the two siblings. “Here. Read it.”

Izzy gave Magnus a wary look, but reached out to take the letter, anyway. Jace crowded close to her and read over her shoulder as Magnus watched on, fiddling with his rings and trying not to cry for the umpteenth time since the letter had been delivered. 

“What the fuck,” Jace breathed after a minute or two of reading, his eyes glassy with tears. “That’s, that’s fucking…” He trailed off, at a loss for words.

“Exactly,” Magnus muttered. “It’s so full of self-loathing it might as well have been written by me when I was about to jump off of a bridge.”

“I knew he always felt different, and he had a lot of pressure on him,” Isabelle said quietly, “but I never imagined _this_.” 

“That’s just the thing!” Magnus said, and his voice shot up two octaves. “I _knew_! I knew how Alec felt about himself! I always have. I _knew_ that he would blame himself for me losing my magic, and I didn’t do anything! I was too self-centered and stupid and idiotic to see that my own boyfriend was about to sacrifice his own happiness for someone else’s _again_.”

“You didn’t know,” Izzy said softly. “None of us did.”

“I should’ve,” Magnus replied, and he sounded close to tears now. “I should’ve known, I should’ve _done_ something, I should’ve, should’ve…” He broke off, choking on a sob. 

“Shh,” Izzy said, and she moved closer until she could lay her hand on Magnus’s arm. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not,” Magnus said, still crying. “And if you thought it was, you wouldn’t be here.”

Izzy glanced at Jace briefly, her eyes filled with tears, but he couldn’t reply; Magnus was right. It _wasn’t_ okay, and as long as Alec was gone, nothing ever would be again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Stalk me on Tumblr](www.moonlight-breeze-44.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Prompts are open!
> 
> If you love Shadowhunters, chaos, and gaining new friends (or any combination of the three), I invite you to [join the Discord server](https://discord.gg/82pvdE39fD) I run with my friends! We're a multifandom server that caters to Shadowhunters, Supernatural, Marvel, and more. We welcome everyone, and we'd love to have you! <3


	3. The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In every universe, we find each other."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! After the angst-fest that was the last two chapters, it is now time for some hope! Or, Magnus finds Alec once again, this time as a mundane teaching archery to children. 
> 
> I really hope you like this chapter! The last chapter is an epilogue of sorts that gives a little more information about Alec and wraps up a few things, but I think this chapter could be read as the ending as well. In any case, thank you for sticking around this long! I hope this lives up to your expectations. <3
> 
> With that being said, let's get on to the story! Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) And, as always, I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

It was on a visit to New Jersey, of all places, when Magnus found Alec again. It’d been 30 years, but Magnus would always recognise his Alexander. 

Alec was standing in the middle of a playground at one of the state’s special needs schools, children forming a semi-circle around him. He had his bow and quiver - and yes, they were _his_ bow and quiver, Magnus could tell - and he was demonstrating how to draw the bowstring back just so, just enough to give his arrow the perfect trajectory when he released it. 

The children were fascinated. 

When Magnus moved a little closer, he could see a white name tag resting on Alec’s breastbone. _Alec Bane, Guest Speaker_. Magnus’s eyes filled with tears. 

Alec let his arrow fly, and the collective gasps of the children made Magnus struggle to swallow around the lump in his throat. Alec had always been good with kids. It was no shock that he’d ended up here, teaching archery to mundane children. Children that wouldn’t ever need to use the skill to hunt demons, to make themselves stand out in a society that tried to cast them into the shadows, or even to protect themselves against foes unseen. 

He had never said it, but Magnus knew Alec had dreamed of making the Shadow World more accepting of every kind of difference. He knew that, to Alec, the idea of raising children that would have to go through the same kind of pain and intolerance he went through was nothing short of abhorrent. It warmed Magnus’s heart to see him now, comfortable and confident and _happy_ in front of a group of smiling children that would, with any luck, never have to deal with anything like what Alec had grown up with. 

The children _were_ the future, and Magnus couldn’t decide if he was happy or extremely sad that Alec would never get to teach Shadowhunter children how not to be afraid of themselves, how to speak up and make their voice heard, how to love the world and the people in it, but most importantly, how to love themselves. For now, he supposed, mundane children were the next best thing. 

The class’s teacher walked over from where she had been sitting on a nearby bench, holding the hand of a young girl with blonde hair and pigtails. “Madison would really like to see that demonstration again, if you don’t mind.” She gave the girl an indulgent smile. “She wasn’t paying very close attention the first time.”

“Of course,” Alec said, and his voice was such a balm to Magnus’s heart that Magnus wanted to cry. Lilith, he had spent _years_ missing that voice, and to hear it again felt like a dream come true. Magnus exhaled shakily and scrubbed a hand over his face, trying hard not to cry. If this _was_ a dream, he didn’t want it to end. 

“Watch closely,” Alec said, giving Madison a disarming smile to let her know he wasn’t upset that she hadn’t been paying attention the first time. “I’m going to show you how to make your arrows fly high!” 

The smile in Alec’s voice was like a punch to Magnus’s heart, and he gasped a little, his fingers clutching the coffee cup in his hand so hard he was afraid he might crush it. The Alec he knew so rarely smiled at all. 

Watching Alec nock his arrow and pull his bowstring taught brought back memories of late nights spent wishing he could do more for the man he loved, of rooftop training and blood dripping and too much whiskey and not enough words. Magnus had to stop and remind himself that this Alec wasn’t his Alec, that this Alec never felt the need to hurt himself as far as Magnus knew. And Magnus _didn’t_ know, because he didn’t know _Alec_ , because Alec was so clearly a different person now that it was almost painful to watch. 

Alec was still talking, narrating his movements to the children as they watched on in rapt awe, and Magnus took a moment to wonder exactly what it was he was seeing, what had happened to Alec that caused him to write the letter Magnus still read every other night. Did Alec erase his memories? Derune himself? _Why?_ Magnus knew it had something to do with his magic - after all, the fact that his magic had mysteriously returned the day he’d received Alec’s letter was no coincidence - but he had no idea how, other than that Asmodeus had had something to do with it. 

After Magnus had calmed down enough to think straight after Alec’s departure from their lives, he rallied Jace & Izzy and started looking for answers. He got as far as Edom and his father before he was halted in his tracks by a war brewing between the New York vampire clan and the werewolves over some perceived slight Magnus couldn’t even remember now. The tiff had taken weeks to resolve, and by the time Magnus took up the hunt again, his father had been killed by a group of rogue Shadowhunters stupid enough to summon him to New York. The Shadowhunters were good, Magnus had to give them that - not many could say they’d killed a Greater demon, let alone one so powerful - but they had all ended up dying in the process, as well.

The answers to the mystery Alec had left behind for them to solve died with his father, a fact that haunted Magnus at night when he tried to sleep. He hated the fact that he would never truly know what Alec had done or why, at least beyond the reasons he’d given in his letter. 

“Whoa!” A shout from one of the children snapped Magnus out of his thoughts, and he looked over to see that Alec had bulls-eyed a target 500 feet away. Magnus couldn’t help but smile to himself; in every walk of life, it seemed, Alec had perfect aim. 

“Again! Again!” Madison cried out, bouncing on the balls of her feet. 

“Madison,” the teacher scolded. “Alec has done quite enough already - ”

“That’s alright, Miss,” Alec responded easily, smiling at her. “I’m more than happy to.”

“Are you sure?” The teacher seemed pleasantly surprised. “You don’t have to.” She moved closer and muttered, “The school’s only paying you for the hour.”

“Oh, I know,” Alec said, chuckling. He gave the teacher a bright smile. “I don’t care about the money. I just like seeing them happy.”

“Well, thank you for that,” she responded, grinning at him. “Take it away, then, I suppose.”

“Yay!” the children cheered, and Madison toddled over to Alec on unsteady legs and settled herself at the very front of the circle of children, closest to him. 

“Maddie!” one of the other kids exclaimed, elbowing her. “Move over! I was here first.”

“Sorry,” Madison whined. “I just wanted to see!”

Magnus felt his heart ache as he watched them interact, the children’s murmurs quieting some piece of his mind that was restless and hurt, watching Alec entertain them like this. It was a scene straight out of Alec’s dream life, and he certainly seemed happy enough. Alec wasn’t Magnus’s anymore. He didn’t need him. Magnus turned to leave, but before he could, a hand reached out and grabbed his arm, stopping him from moving.

It was Madison. Magnus tried to pull away, but she tugged him closer with a surprising amount of strength for a child and gestured at Alec, clearly indicating that he should watch the demonstration. “Look!” she said. “Isn’t it amazing?” 

_Yeah_ , Magnus thought to himself. _That’s one word for it_. 

The child’s words caught the attention of Alec, and when soft hazel eyes met his for the first time in over a decade, Magnus swore he felt hope spark in the empty cavity that had filled his chest since the day he received Alec’s letter. Maybe the Angel Alec prayed to back when he was a Shadowhunter really did make miracles happen.

In any case, Magnus knew he owed it to himself and Alec to stick around and find out. 


	4. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> LAST CHAPTER LAST CHAPTER LAST CHAPTER 
> 
> (This is an epilogue of sorts. It just wraps the fic up and gives a little insight into Jace and Izzy after Magnus met Alec again.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! We're finally here!! The last chapter of the first multi-chapter fic I've ever posted on this account. Thank you so much for being here throughout this fic, and I really hope you've enjoyed the ride! 
> 
> This is an epilogue of sorts that just dives a little more into who Alec is now and how Jace & Izzy deal with him being alive and mundane. It's also where the Autistic Alec tag comes into play, albeit briefly. It's a lot shorter than the other chapters, I will warn you.
> 
> I really hope you like this, and thank you so much for reading! Without further ado, let's get on to the story. 
> 
> Kudos make my day and comments validate my existence, so please feel free to leave those, if you want :) And, as always, I hope you have a wonderful day/night!
> 
> ~ Em

“How is he, Magnus? Is he happy?”

“He’s extremely happy,” Magnus responded, a smile blooming on his lips. “He just published his third book, the one he’s been over the moon about for months.”

“That’s great,” Izzy said, and Magnus could tell she was smiling, too, if a bit sadly. The line fell silent for a few seconds before she asked, “What’s he like?” It was the third time in as many weeks that she’d asked that question, but Magnus couldn’t exactly blame her. 

“He’s still Alec,” Magnus replied. “He still loves cheesy romantic songs and he still has a soft spot for kids and cats and people who need help. He loves archery, and he teaches it to kids at special needs schools all over the state. He says it helps them focus and process things better, that most of the ones he meets like the repetitiveness of it.” Magnus smiled, tears filling his eyes. “He’s a writer now. He writes about the Shadow World, just like Clary used to draw it when she was a mundane. The books are beautiful. They tell our stories. Yours, mine, Jace’s. When you read them, you could almost convince yourself that he does remember, but he doesn’t.” 

There was a strangled sound on the other end of the phone, and Magnus knew Izzy was crying, probably holding Jace’s hand as they both thought of Alec and where he was now compared to where he had been when they knew him. It was a feeling Magnus was all too familiar with. 

“Tell us more,” Izzy said through her tears. “Please.”

Magnus was all too happy to grant her request. 

“He’s grown pretty attached to one of the girls he met teaching archery,” Magnus said. “Her name is Madison, and she’s ten years old and autistic. They’ve been having playdates at her house for a few weeks now, and her mother adores Alec to pieces.” He smiled ruefully. “Now that he’s a mundane and he can think about it without feeling like he’s wrong or bad or different somehow, he’s considering the possibility that he might have autism.”

“That would make so much sense,” Izzy half laughed, half cried. “I guess now we know why he always hated those turtleneck sweaters Mom forced him to wear so much.”

“And why he can’t stand potatoes but likes French fries,” Jace chimed in, his voice crackling a little over the phone. 

“And why he took one look at Chairman Meow when we were at the loft together the other day and started telling me about the personality traits of Persian cats,” Magnus said, smiling a little. 

Izzy laughed, and Magnus heard her sniffle and shift a little, presumably to wipe her eyes. They were quiet for a minute or two, each lost in their own thoughts of times past. Finally, Magnus broke the silence and said, “I’ve got to get back to work, but I’ll call you again on Tuesday.”

“Yeah,” Izzy replied, exhaling shakily. “Magnus, I - ” She broke off, and Magnus could hear her and Jace exchanging soft whispers that he couldn’t make out. 

“Thank you,” Jace took over for her. “Really, Magnus, thank you.”

“For what?” Magnus asked, bewildered. 

“For looking after our brother,” Izzy replied, her voice tremulous and shaking. “For taking care of him and giving him the happiness he deserves. Especially-Especially when we can’t do it ourselves.”

Magnus’s eyes filled with tears, and he nodded before realising they couldn’t see him. “Of course.” He closed his eyes and made a promise to himself right then and there that he would think up some excuse, or do _something_ , find some loophole to the Clave’s rule about mundanes & contact with the Shadow World so that Alec’s siblings could meet him again like Magnus had. They deserved that. Even if Alec wasn’t the Alec they had grown up with, he was still _Alec_ , and Magnus had no doubt that he would love them just as much as he had before. 

With that, they hung up, and Magnus was left to sit with his own thoughts, feeling eternally grateful that, somehow, through fate or a miracle or whatever it may be, he had gotten a second chance with Alec. 

Magnus’s phone buzzed with a text, and he reached into his pocket to retrieve the device. It was a text from Alec. 

_A: Dinner at mine at 7 tonight?_

Magnus felt himself start to grin, and his fingers flew over the phone keyboard in response. 

_M: Wouldn’t miss it for the world._

Magnus didn’t know how or why, but he knew that, by some miracle, he had Alec again, and this time, he wasn’t ever going to let him go. This time, he was going to make sure Alec knew that there was no one and nothing he loved more. 


End file.
